Diamonds are a mans best friend
by The X-Filer
Summary: Finished COMPLETE! Mulder, Scully and the Lonegunmen try to steal the one thing cops fear to loose! did they succeed?
1. Chapter 1

White Diamond

Author: The X-filer

Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the story and the idea.

Summery: Mulder and Scully plan to steal the one thing cops fear to lose

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Mulder and Scully were sitting in their car outside an old jewellery shop when suddenly, Mulder had an idea

"I've got it, cops!"

"Cops? Mulder we are cops"

"No Scully, where FBI" he said grinning, he placed his hands on the steering wheel, staring straight ahead

"What's the difference?" she asked sceptically

"The difference is they have em and we don't" Mulder said rummaging through his pockets for the car keys

"What do you suppose we do, go hold up the police station" she said sarcastically, she noted the look in Mulders eyes

'_I swear if his eyes were lights, they would never come off high beam' _She thought, she smiled inwardly as their eyes met, Mulder pulled out the car keys and placed them in the ignition, the car roared to life

"no" he said "I've got a better idea"

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Lone Gunmen Home

Sometime around midnight

"You know Mulder, if we help you we want 70 percent of the slice"

"70 percent? No way Frohike, 30 percent and that makes it fair"

"How is that fair?" Frohike argued crossing his arms

"Well, 10 percent each for you 3 for helping, 20 for Scully, for being my back up and 50 percent for me, because I thought of this whole plan and have the guts to carry it out" Mulder said sternly

"You've gone to far Mulder, I… " Frohike was about to say, when Scully pointed a finger at Mulder

"20 percent? that's all I'm getting, No! No way, I'm with them on this one Mulder, you've gone to far this time, I'm not helping unless I get at least 40 percent"

"40 percent? are you kidding? your only my back up, back ups don't get that much" She gave him an evil glare, Mulder back down immediately, raising his hands

"Alright, alright 50 percent for us and 50 percent for you three, deal?"

"Deal" The four of them said in unison

"Now lets get on with it, Langly" Mulder stared straight in Langlys' direction

"What do you need Mulder?" Langly said pulling out his trusty computer

"First we need the building layouts of all north, south, east and west police stations in a perimeter of 30kms, we need the locations on all Ruby, Amber and sapphire ice and not to mention the white diamond" Mulder said pulling tools out of the bag he brought

"Will do, it'll take a minute" Langly started typing away, as Mulder continued

"I need the guard shifts for the next week, I want to know who is on call, we need uniforms, badges, security codes, passes, we need the drop off time of the ice and where it is at…" Mulder stopped to take a breath when Byers interrupted

"Mulder, why don't you and Scully just flash your badges and say 'official FBI business? Doesn't that always work?" he asked

"It usually does, but this time we're going to need more than that, this is going to be big, the only way this is going to work is to have everything exactly right, right place, right time" Scully shook her head she couldn't believe what she was hearing, Mulder was like a cheetah on his prey, he wouldn't give up until it was his

"Mulder, why don't we just get some other ice down the…"

"Because Scully, everyone knows the best ice around is delivered to the cops, am I right guys?" Mulder held a hand up and half turned to the gunmen

"Your right Mulder!"

"Yeah!" Mulder turned back to Scully

"If you can't handle it Scully, walk away now" they all looked at her, she nodded slightly

"oh I can handle it, but the question is Mulder, can you handle me?" Mulder smiled and turned back to the gunmen

"Alright ladies, listen up this is what we have to do"

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First of all I would like to say that the ice in this story is NOT drugs!

If your interested in this story let me know, other wise I might delete it

This is just a fun story! And I realise it's out of character

Anyways if you like it and want me to write more let me know!

Thanks for any reviews, if I get any

(yes I realise I called the lone gunmen ladies)


	2. Chapter 2

12:30 midnight

"Byers, that's not what I think it is, is it?" Scully was in shock

"yeah Byers, what were you thinking?" Langly was in as much shock as Scully

"You said, pick out costumes that will make a distraction" Byers said defensively, he had gone to the all night costumes store, and picked out 4 that he thought would make a distraction, liked they asked, now he's getting hammered for it

"A distraction not…this" Frohike waved his hand towards the costumes

"That was all they had at such short notice" just then Mulder walked through the door and stopped dead in his tracks when he saw the outfits, a smile grew on his face

"Byers! You out did your self this time, there perfect!"

"They are?" All four of them said in unison

"yeah, the cops won't know what hit em, this will make a big enough distraction that it will be easy for me to steal the goods, alright the van will be delivering the ice in half an hour, so get dressed everyone" Mulder picked up the red costume head and passed it to Scully

"Hold up! Wait a minute! You can't possibly think I am going to dress up in that?" Scully pointed a finger at the head "you want to play dress ups, you put it on and I'll do the raid"

"yeah Mulder, like hell were going to dress in those" Frohike put his foot down "if you want the ice so badly you do it" the others nodded there heads in agreement

"Come on guys! It's not that bad! See" he placed the costume head over his own, Scully smiled inwardly "all you have to do is make a distraction that last long enough so I can slip in and out undetected, no one will know it's you" he pulled the red head off and held it out to Scully "it suits your hair" he gave her one of those puppy dog eye looks, Scully hated when he did that, she sighed

"no one will know?" Mulder smiled as she took the costume head and placed it over her own

"Fit's like a glove, ok boys, your turn, Fro you can be green, Langly you can be yellow and Byers your purple" the boys grumbled as they pulled on there costumes

"why do I have a bad feeling about this?" Byers mumbled through the material

"Don't be a bunch of babies, everything will go according to plan, you'll see, ok lets go its show time"

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Mulder had dropped off the group down the road from the police station, the streets were empty at this late hour so they had a clear run

"I'll pick you up when I have the ice" With out responding, Mulder pulled the door shut on the van and sped off, sighing they all started down the road

"Why did we let Mulder talk us into this?" Scully asked no one in particular

"I can't believe we are actually going through with this, this is so embarrassing" Langly shook his head

"At least you aren't the purple one, I'll never live this down" Byers grumbled, he was having trouble walking in his suit, they noticed a van slowing down and turning up the street next to the station

"hey purple eater, shut your mouth, it's show time" Frohike snapped as they stood on the road, in front of the police station

"So what do we do now?" Langly asked

"Don't know, we have to get there attention" Scully said thinking

"how about we start singing?" Byers suggested, they all looked at him

"Singing?"

"or not"

"we could just yell out here, maybe they will hear us?"

"that's stupid, we need a distraction not a yelling competition"

"well what do you suggest green boy" Langly shoved Frohike

"Green boy?! Who you calling Green boy, yellow tooth?" he shoved Langly back, suddenly an all out fight broke out between the four of them

Meanwhile inside the station

Sargent Mick Fireline was working at his desk when he noticed something out the window, he rubbed his eyes, then looked again, yep still there, he looked at his cup of coffee, then back at the scene before him

"hey sir?" he yelled to his superior

"yes Fireline, what is it?" Fireline was staring out the window

"do you see what I see?" his superior looked out the window, his eyes widened in disbelief

"do you see 4 Teletubbies fighting outside the station?"

"yep"

"then I see what you see" he turned around and shouted "hey everyone come and have a look at this" all the officers, even the van drivers came to have a look, they couldn't believe there eyes

"I take bets on the red one, he seems to have some fire in him" all the men looked at the van driver, he held a video cam in his hand "what?, it's not everyday you see Teletubbies fight amongst them selves" the fight was getting out of hand, so a hand full of officers went to break it up, they were out the door when the purple Teletubbie screamed

"Cops! Cops! Cops!" the tubbies scattered in every which direction,

"get em!" the officers took of after them

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Meanwhile behind the station, dressed in black, Mulder snuck up behind the van, he could hear noises coming from around the front, the diversion was working, he went to open the back doors but found a pad lock

"Damn it" he rattled the lock without luck, bending down he opened his bag and pulled out a crowbar, in two seconds the lock was busted Mulder pulled the doors open

he gasped

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bright colours flashed down the street, the green one was taken down first, next was the yellow, the purple and red were a bit harder though

"Come back here you little people eater" the officer casing Byers was getting frustrated "come back here!"

"aaahhhhhhhh" Byers was in a flap, he was running as quick as his purple little legs would carry him, he was nearly at the traffic lights when the officer took him down

"got you, you little purple blob"

"I'm innocent!" Byers kept screaming "I'm innocent!"

Scully on the other hand was putting up a fight

"Danny, you take the left side and I'll take the right" two officers closed in on her, they dived and took her down

"Got you! You…argh" Scully kicked him in the head with her stumpy legs, another officer went for her arms, she rolled over and squashed him under her

"you little pip squeak! We need back up!" an officer shouted, he grabbed the tubbies arms "Now!" she squirmed under his grasp, she managed to pry from their grip and take off down the street

"Back up, we need back up" all of a sudden 4 officers came running up behind Scully, one of them dived taking her down, she squirmed under his grip, she managed to get loose but was taken down by the other 3 officers, they sat on her pinning her down

"got you red"

"I'll get you all, you pieces of…" Suddenly a van screeched up in front of them, they all turned to see a man step out holding a badge

"FBI, Let that red tubbie go"

"who are you?"

"My name is Fox Mulder, I'm with the FBI, you have stumbled on a undercover operation, now let the tubbie go!" they all let the Teletubbie go "and the others" they all let the other tubbies go with out arguing

"took you long enough" Scully mumbled as they climbed into the van

"good day gentlemen" Mulder waved goodbye leaving the officers with dumbfounded looks, the van driver turned to them

"Told you the red one had fire in him"

In the gunmen van Scully threw off her costume

"I'm going to kill you, where's the ice" She looked around the empty van, Mulder just stared out the windshield "you did get the ice didn't you? Mulder?"

"I don't know how to tell you this" Scully and the gunmen closed in on him, he gulped

"go on" Scullys eyes narrowed

"the van wasn't the one, it held office furniture, not the ice"

"WHAT!!" the space between them thinned "you made us dress like Teletubbies for nothing!" She wrapped a hand around his throat

"Wait! The next drop off is in an hour, and I've got a better idea!" Mulder squeeked

"Go on, I'm listening"

"Ok here's what we do" Mulder started to explain

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So what do you think

If you like it and want me to continue let me know!

thanks for any reviews


	3. Chapter 3

"it's done!"

"you guys really out did yourselves this time" Mulder was impressed at the Gunmen's handy work

"we did didn't we" the gunmen were happy as rabbits, just then Scully walked through the door, and stopped dead in her tracks

"what on earth is that?"

"what? don't tell me you haven't seen one before" Mulder said helping with the final adjustments

"oh, I've seen one before but not with… with tyres" Scully gestured towards the wheels "are those racing stickers?" the gunmen looked at the sides then back at Scully

"you got a problem with it?" Scullys eyebrows lifted

"as long as I'm not driving in either one" she replied, Mulder tighten the last bolt

"ok, were ready to go make another distraction, heres the maps of the streets and the course for you to run" he looked at his watch, it was almost time for the drop off "lets move out! Langly you can ride in this one, Byers your in that one, Frohike you can be the one to pull Langly and Scully you can pull Byers…"

"what why do I have to pull"

"because your better at driving"

"I'm not driving in that!" Mulder tried some reverse phycology

"Aw, oh well if your not tough enough…"

"you think I'm not tough enough?" he turned to her

"I don't think you have the guts" he said bluntly, their eyes met, he held out the map of the street

"I'll show you gut's, Langly throw me the helmet" Mulder knew it would work, she went and strapped herself in and started the engine,

"Get in Byers! Or I'll leave you behind" Byers scrambled into the back he strapped himself in

"see you on the other side ladies!" Scully revved the engine and they were off

"look at that determination!" Mulder, Langly and Frohike all agreed

"You think she'll be ok?" Frohike crossed his arms

"I wouldn't worry about her, I'd worry more about Byers" Langly laughed

"better him than me, with her in that mood, its not safe to drive"

"ok, move out!" Langly and Frohike strapped themselves in and started the engine

"see you on the other side Mulder" Langly saluted and they were off, Mulder saluted back

"God help us all" Mulder went to the car and got ready for the raid

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It was late in the night when the gang arrived at another station, they readied themselves at the top of the hill sloped street

"That's one big slope" Frohike exhaled "you ok back there?"

"I'm ready and rearing to go!" Langly kneeled down, he tightened his army helmet on

"why did I let Mulder talk me into this?" Scully eyed the sloped "how you going back there Byers" there was no response "Byers?" Suddenly

"And breaker 9 er 9 er, we have a situation back here, kerrrrrrrs, copy that 9 er 9 er requesting permission to kerrrrrrrs" Scully raised an eyebrow as she Langly and Frohike all turned to see Byers rocking back and forth in an uncontrollable manner blabbering about nothing in particular, Scully stared across at Frohike and Langly

"what did you give him?"

"just a little something to calm his nerves" Byers started to jig up and down

"he's going to be awake all night!"

"yeah, that's the point, here" Frohike handed her a head set

"what's this for?" she asked as she placed it on her head

"so we can talk between us, and Mulder"

"Mulder?"

"_Scully hey what's up?" _

"why did I let you talk me into this"

"_Because your so gullible"_

"Gullible? Me! Why you…"

"_Hey I got to go the vans arriving" _Scully heard a snicker from the side of her

"What?"

"Ah young love"

"Watch it boys or I'll…"

"Time to roll, race you to the station" Frohike and Langly didn't give Scully the chance to finish

"If you think that's going to stop me" She said over the headset, she started the engine and off they went

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Meanwhile outside the station, officer Morris was about to get into his car when he saw something out of the corner of his eye, he turned

"Oh my Lord" he raced back to the door, "hey guys come and look at this" the few officers all raced out, leaving the station unguarded, even the van driver went to have a look "do you see what I see?" one of the officers rubbed his eyes

"tell me those aren't Go Karts pulling washing machines?"

"it looks like it"

"Are those Tyres?" the van driver pointed "on both twin tubs?"

"I think so!"

"They have stickers!…and tyres!…are those people sitting in the back?!" they squinted

"I think they are" by now Scully and the group were picking up speed, and heading flat out towards the station

"I think its time we stop this little charade" Morris stepped out on the street and held his hand up, Scully and Frohike saw the cop

"Hey Scully what do you think we should do" Frohike said over the headset, he was getting a little nervous

"Run him over!" came her voice, Scully on the other hand was on a high, she was have a time of her life

"You want to run over a cop?"

"If the little blighter doesn't want to move…"

"he's a Cop!"

"Yeah and I'm FBI! Now drive little man, drive!" Scully broke into a fit of hysterical laughter and she pushed the accelerator down hard, the Go Kart made a high pitch sound as her speed increased

"_What did you give her?" _Mulders voice came over the mic

"Don't ask me, she is as bad as Byers" Scully broke out in front, as they sped past the station Byers stood up wobbling the washing machine from side to side, he turned towards the cops and with a sharp movement he saluted them as they sped past, Officer Morris jumped out of the way

"hey!" he turned to the other officers "come on, lets get 'em" they officers jumped in their cars and chased after them

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Mulder edged himself around the back of the building, he glanced at his watch, he didn't have long before the diversion ended, he snuck around the back of the van, this time he had his crow bar ready, he shoved it in the lock and pulled as hard as he could, in a split second the lock was broken

"Now my pretties, you are mine" Mulder licked his lips as he swung the doors open

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"Byers sit down or it's going to fall over!" Scully screamed through the mic

"It's 2am, and we have Gold fish for sale!" he rocked from side to side

"Byers! Sit down! Now!" but it was too late, Byers had rocked to much and the Twin Tub fell on its side, sparks erupted from the metal as it scraped along the tar, Byers managed to get a grip on the top side of the washer, he hung on for dear life

"Byers you ok" Langly screamed as they swung around the corner

"Byers?"

"WoooooWhoooooo!" Scully swung the Kart into a U turn, Byers went into hysterical laughter as the tub did a Doey

"what the hell is wrong with you Byers?" Scully Screeched, Byers didn't listen

"Row, row, row your boat…" he sung at the top of his voice

"Not the Musical!, Scully pull over so I can run him under!" Frohike revved the motor a bit more as they swung into the U turn as well, the police were in hot pursuit

"This is the police, Stop or we'll have no choice but to blow your tyres!" came the voice over the loud speaker

"Are you ready for some fun Boys" Scully didn't give the others time to respond, she floored the accelerator, but suddenly, the cable between the Go Kart and Washer broke, sending Byers off into a side street, sparks illuminated the road, Scully braked and swung the wheel sideways and chased after Byers

"hey Scully you lost one back there" Langly and Frohike both laughed as the followed her, up ahead Byers Slowly came to a stop, Scully slowly braked as she came up beside him, her engine died

"You Ok?" Byers started to walk towards Scully, but went Sideways and fell over, he slowly sat up

"Let do that again!" Frohike and Langly came up beside them

"we got company coming" Scully turned the key but nothing happened, smoke started to come out of the front

"Damn it!" just then a police car came out in front and behind them, 4 officers surrounded them

"Nice try hot shots but this is the end of the road!" they closed in on them, suddenly out of nowhere The Gunmen Van arrived and Mulder Stepped out, he flashed his badge

"FBI, you are currently interfering with a test, I'll take it from here"

"I'm sorry? What does the FBI have to do with this? And what test?" Officer Morris asked, Mulder looked him square in the face

"Have you ever wondered how the twin tubs got there 3 years guarantee for strength and performance?"

"you mean to say the FBI contrast experiments on washing machines? You have got to be kidding!" Mulder ushered the group into the van, he turned back to the officers

"Sir the FBI doesn't kid, now if you take that washer home" he pointed at the bent and scraped twin tub "I can assure you it will be in perfect working order" he smile "have a nice day" he didn't give the police room to argue before he jumped in the van and sped off, leaving them behind, half way down the road

"He langly tie Byers in the back so he doesn't some how fall out" Frohike said, throwing Langly a rope, he turned to Mulder "So Mulder, did you get it?"

"Um… I don't know how to tell you this" Scully and Frohike crowed round him, Scully picked up a metal pipe that was lying in the back "remember Scully I'm driving!" Mulder cringed as he half eyed the rod "the van was full papers! And guns! Don't hurt me!" there was a long silence

"Mulder I'm going to…" Frohike started

"Right that's it!" Scully said loud enough that everyone jumped, they turned to her "if you want a job done right do it yourself!"

"you mean Don't send a man to do a woman's job?"

"Exactly! And this time we do it my way, Now boys listen up cause this is what we have to do!"

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A/n

Not sure if it was as good as the telletubbies but I thought go Karts pulling washing machines were pretty funny lol Poor Byers

Anyways if you like and want to see what Scully is going to do (believe me its going to be good) lol let me know!

Thanks for any and all reviews!


	4. Chapter 4

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BEEP! BEEP!

"Get off the road!"

****

BEEP! BEEP!

"Move it lady! His goldfish drives faster than you!"

**BEEEEP!**

"Hey Scully? Don't you think we're driving a little too quick?"

****

BEEP! BEEP!

"Who drives at this time of night? Get off the road!!"

"Mulder talk to her! Say something before we crash!" Frohike screamed as he hung onto a seat

"Yeah! do something Mulder!" the Gunmen van swerved in and out of slow moving traffic, they were on the highway heading towards the last van of the night, if they didn't get this one, they would have to wait until next week for another shot.

"Scully, you need to slow down, your scaring the babies" Mulder said carefully, as he clenched his teeth together trying not to loose his stomach "and your scaring the father too, watchout!" after a few more km's

"look!" Scully pointed to a white van in front of them "there it is!" she sped up and drove around beside him, the van driver had his window down, he glanced sideways and saw the gunmen van driving at the same speed "tell him to pull over" Mulder stared at her "do it!" she demanded, Mulder wasn't about to argue with her in this state, he wound down the window

"Um, Excuse me, can you pull over?" the van driver snickered, he had heard over the CB about a band of people doing really strange things around cop stations at the same time the drop offs were made, they had come to the conclusion they wanted the goods so the van driver wasn't about to pull over and let them have it

"Not on your life, I know what you want and your not having it" the van driver sped up, Mulder turned to Scully

"Maybe we should…" Scully revved the engine and came up beside him again

"this was your idea, so get out there and stop that van!" Mulder had never seen Scully act like this, he tried again to get the van to stop

"hey, I need you to stop now" Mulder urged

"You think that's going to work?" Mulder turned back to Scully

"he's not going to…" Suddenly Scully got out of the drivers seat and stridded up the back off the van, Frohike and Langly bolted for the steering wheel, Langly made it first

"If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself" Scully rummaged through a long box in the back of the van, Byers leaned over to see what she was doing

"get 'em boss, get 'em!"

"hey boys, did you give her anything earlier?" Langly was now driving at the same speed as the van

"no I thought you did" Byers on the other hand was in the back tied tight and rocking back and forth, Mulder tried again to stop the van

"hey pull…"

"Pull over now or I'll blow you into next week!!" Mulder nearly hit the dashboard he jumped so high as Scully shoved a pump action shotgun out the window

"geezes Scully, what the hell?!…"

"Pull over! Now!"

"you want these goods baby, come and get 'em" the van driver laughed hysterically, Langly and Mulder looked at each other

"oh man he called her baby…" Frohike leaned out a side window

"Do it man she's crazy!" Scully pumped the gun

"I'll give you one more chance, pull over! Now!" she aimed the shotgun at the van

"Kiss my wheels! toots" in a split second a hole was blown into the side of the van and the ice started to fall out as both vans wavered

"jackpot boys! Langly drive up beside the van, Frohike get the net, Mulder hold Frohike as he hangs out the window and catches the goods" a huge silence grew over the group

"I've got to do what?" Frohike's eyes widened

"just do it! Move!" She demanded, Mulder and Frohike wasn't about to argue with her, Frohike grabbed the net as Langly drove up beside the van, Mulder took his spot and held onto Frohike as he hung out the window

"let me go and I'll haunt your grave" the ice kept on falling, Frohike swung the net around franticly but couldn't catch any, the van drove in front of them, more and more ice fell across the road

"Langly, watch where your going! your running 'em over!" Scully reloaded the gun, Langly swerved the ice as he revved the accelerator and came up beside it again, Scully stuck the gun out the passenger side window again

"pull over! Or I'll make sure the next one is lethal!" Frohike tried again to grab some ice, but wasn't succeeding, Byers was hysterical, he was bobbing back and forth singing something strange, the van didn't pull over, Frohike reached out again, Suddenly another whole was blasted into the side of the van, Frohike swore he jumped ten feet high, Mulder nearly let go of Frohike but grabbed on at the last minute, The ice started pouring out all over the road "Get em boys!!" Frohike swung the net again, in the distance sirens could be heard "Hurry up ladies!"

"Got one!" Mulder pulled Frohike back inside, the sirens grew louder, Scully turned to Langly

"Drive! Drive like you've never driven before!" Langly eyed the shotgun in her hand, he revved the accelerator and sped past the van as lights appeared in the revision mirror, after a short time they made it back to the Gunmen lair, Byers was untied as the stuff wore off, once inside they sat the ice on the table and all crowded round it

"one, a hundreds fell out, but you got one" Scully shook her head

"hey, it was harder than it looked" Frohike protested "you hang out the side next time and see if you can do better!"

"well what are we going to do with one?"

"we could share it equally around"

"no!" they all turned to Mulder "we don't want to ruin the texture"

"well how about we leave it for tonight and work it out in a few hour when it becomes light" they all nodded in agreement as they went to bed

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Daylight, Mulder and Scully were nowhere to be found, and the ice was gone

"they stole it!"

"after all we went through!"

"let me a 'em!" Byers paced around the room

"well what do we do now?" Frohike asked, Langly caught site of something shiny off to the side

"I've got an idea!" he walked over and picked up the shotgun Scully had left behind, he pumped up the next round "lets go get our goods back!"

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A/N

Ok first of all, the Ice is NOT drugs!

So what do you think

Let me know if you like and want more

Has anyone worked out what there stealing?

Let me know if you have, its pretty obvious, lol

Anyways hope you enjoy

May the files be with you!


	5. Chapter 5

Mulder and Scully looked down at there feet, Skinner stared at them

"you dressed like telletubbies, used Go karts to pull washing machines, and blew a whole the size of Kansas in the side of the delivery van…"

"That was her all the way!" Mulder pointed at Scully

"traitor!" Scully huffed as she folder her arms

"And all for…"

"but Sir have you every felt the feeling when you hold it in your hand?!"

"I'm afraid not Agent Mulder, did you manage to get any?" Mulder and Scully looked at each other "Agents" he held out his hand

"oh alright" Mulder pulled out a small box and handed it to Skinner, Skinner opened it

"All that for this?" they both nodded

"well until this matter is resolved" he opened his desk draw and placed it in "I will keep it here"

"but sir!…"

"Don't but me, Agent Scully! You are in enough trouble as it is, now I want the two of you to get to work now!" Mulder and Scully grumbled as they left the room, they headed for the car

"now what do we do" Scully muttered

"I don't know" Mulder opened the car doors, they both sat down, Mulder reached for the ignition when, he felt something in the back of his neck

"alright where's the goods?"

"Langly?"

"and the rest of the boys are waiting outside, now where is it?" Scully spoke up

"it's with Skinner, he took it off of us, we couldn't do anything about it! Its in his desk" outside Byers and Frohike approached

"well, we'll have to get it back" Langly started to exit the car

"wait you cant' just walk up there with a gun, you will be dog piled on immediately"

"so what do you suggest we do? Smoke him out, that would be fun!" the gunmen laughed, Scully smiled as a thought crossed her mind

"No I got a better Idea!"

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"Arrrrrrr!!, Holy mother of, Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!"

"Shut up Langly, it's not that bad? Where's your back bone?"

"Not that bad?, it stings like crazy, how do women do this" Langly squirmed under Scullys grip

"Stop squirming I'm getting wax every where!" Scullly slapped another lot of wax on Langlys leg, placing a strip over it

"ready?" She asked but didn't really wait for a reply

"No! Don't Arrrrrrrrr!" Scully ripped the strip off, it was covered in hair

"there see it's not that bad one more strip and were done" Scully slapped another lot of wax down and placed another strip over it

"I don't want another strip, I want to go…"

"take it like a man!" she ripped the strip off

"Arrrrrrrrr!!!"

"oh man that's gotta hurt!" Frohike cringed behind Mulder, Mulder looked away

"How do women do that every month?" Scully placed her hands on her hips

"all done" Langly just laid there, his legs were sore from Scully waxing them

"I think I'm dead!"

"your not dead your still talking"

"well I should be dead" he slowly climbed off the table and stood in front of everyone, Frohike snickered, Byers and Mulder looked down at there feet then broke into laughter, Scully just rolled her eyes

"Guys! It's not funny!" Langly wined, Scully grabbed a box and handed it to Langly

"here put these on" Langly went into the other room, after a few minutes "are you ok in there Langly?"

"I'm not coming out! I look ridiculous"

"Langly get out here now!" they heard a grumble "Langly"

"oh alright!" Langly stepped out, everyone just stared "shut up!"

"we didn't say anything"

"no, but you were going to" he pulled at the black dress he was now wearing "does it have to be so short?"

"yes! Now hold still while I make the finale adjustment" She started to pull the curlers out of his blonde hair.

--------------------------------------------

"Tell me again, why I'm doing this? Why isn't Scully doing it, she's a girl" Langly said over the tiny mic in his fake earring

Langly sighed as the elevator door opened 

"alright here I go" Langly walked precariously down the hall towards Skinners office, he pulled at his dress, his feet hurt as the high heels scrunch his toes, he could feel eyes upon him as the male Agents started to walked past, all of a sudden

"woho, shake it!"

"gorgeous Lady!"

"hey what's a good look thing like you doing in a place like this?!"

Langly kept his eyes straight ahead on his target, he rounded the corner to find Skinners secretary not at her desk, he went straight for the door to find Skinner at his desk, he walked over to him, Skinner turned his head 

"I'm sorry miss can I help you?" Skinner couldn't but help notice the shortness of the dress and the long blonde curly hair of this attractive woman

"I hope so, I noticed your secretary not at her desk and my car wouldn't work, I was hoping you could help me?" Langly said in the girliest voice he could, he made his way to Skinners desk and sat down carefully on the corner crossing his legs

"your car won't start?"

"that's correct sir, so if you could just come and…"

"your car won't start and out of all the Agents out in the hall you want me to get it started?" Langly smiled as sweetly as he could, he was at a lost for words

"um yes, well um…"

"what is your name miss?" Langly was taken off guard, he didn't even think of a name

"um… Lang…retta"

"Langretta?"

"Langretta! that's me!"

"Ok well, Langretta lets go get your car started" Skinner got up and he and Langly walked out the door. In a split second Mulder and Scully sneaked in the other door

"Quick the top draw!" Mulder raced for the draw and pulled it opened, outside Skinner stopped dead in his tracks

"oh, damn it hang on a sec I forgot something" Skinner turned around, Langly stepped in front of him

"no you can't go back!"

"Excuse me?"

"um what I mean to say is that, I need you to fix it now because I'm kinda in a hurry" Skinner looked the woman strangely, Langly tried his best to smile, then something clicked

"Langretta?… Langly?" Langlys eyes went wide "that means…" Skinner raced backed to his office

"Guys he's coming get out of there!" But it was too late Skinner broke through the door

"Mulder! Scully! What the…" there eyes met, Mulder slammed the desk draw

"where is it sir?" just then the Gunmen walked through the door

"you mean the goods?" they all nodded, just then he pulled it out of his pocket "this?" all of them eyed it greedily

"put it down slowly!" Mulder urged

"you know I don't know what all the fuss is about its just a Donut" he put it towards his mouth

"No don't!" they all yelled as he shoved the whole thing in his mouth, Mulder, Scully and the Gunmen all stood motionless as Skinner swallowed the last of it

"Let me At him!" Byers started but was held back, Skinner looked at them, a smile crossed his face

"you know that was the best I've ever had!" he rubbed his hands together

"After all we went through!" Scully sighed, Mulder rubbed his face, Skinner walked over to his desk

"so ladies and Gentlemen! When is the next drop off?" they all looked at him stunned

"Next week Sir, Why?" Mulder asked Suspiciously

"Oh no reason"

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The End

A/N

So did you guess it? A donut! All that for a Donut!

LOL so like always let me know if you liked it/ hate it

Thanks for any reviews, hope I made you laugh!

And remember

May the files be with you!

big shoutout to all my friends you know who you are!


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